Are You Guys Going To Have More Kids?

I get this question A LOT. And it keeps escalating as our only child gets older (she's 6 1/2). I used to answer "Yes" and leave it at that, thinking that should suffice. More often than not though, people probe for more information and I get the second most frequently asked question: Are you guys trying?

It's a question I consider very personal, and I remember being appalled the very first time I got asked. Over the years, however, the constancy of this question has led me to think that either I'm wrong or too many people have no sense of propriety. I've tried avoiding this question, but I usually end up being gifted with unsolicited advice, such as "Better sooner than later." "You should really have at least two."  "She's going to want a sibling." Lack of propriety, I say.

The audacity of these people used to irritate me because it was none of their business but also because they were hitting a very sore spot. It wasn't until much later I realized that these people may be meddlesome but it was unintentional. How could they have possibly known they were entering a sensitive territory? I may always get these questions, but maybe giving them an honest, direct answer will at least ease my irritation and help me overcome the sensitivity of this subject.

So, here is the answer: we would love to have more children but for some unexplained reason, we cannot get pregnant. My husband and I have both been medically examined and everything came out normal. We got pregnant with our daughter by some miracle and that was my last pregnancy. Some of you know we've had this struggle, but I haven't ever shared much and I think it's time to open up some more.

Dealing with infertility prior to my daughter's birth was hard, to say the least, and it was the reason I avoided the questions. I hid it from both friends and family. I didn't want them feeling sorry for me and I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable around me when they share news of their little bundles of joy or invite me to baby showers.

After my daughter was born, I thought my infertile days were over and we would be blessed with more children. Wrong. But unlike before, I didn't bother hiding it. As mentioned earlier, it was too irritating and too stressful, and I didn't want to deal with those questions again.

In some ways, it has been harder facing infertility the second time around. It's no longer just my husband and me who longs for another baby. Our daughter hurts for a little sibling. I didn't realize how badly she wanted a sibling until she was 3. While her friends had imaginary friends, Asia had imaginary siblings. She would pretend she was teaching her little sister how to play the piano, read, do math, etc. It was adorable but saddening. She also had tried getting her friends to agree to be her sister. She got one particular friend to be her sister but when the friend decided she no longer wanted to be sisters with Asia, Asia was deeply hurt (the friend did have 3 sisters of her own, after all). It has been heart wrenching to see her loneliness and I'm more than sorry for not being able to give her something that is so important to her.

We've considered fertility treatments and adoption, and we've appreciated the advice and suggestions given by caring friends and family. Nonetheless, we don't feel a strong inclination towards those paths. For whatever reason, we feel we are to let this be.

We hope and pray for more children, but if they never come, we find comfort in our little miracle child. We're also aware that there are other ways to mother and father besides giving birth. I have a classroom full of children I teach and mother, and I'm thankful I have them. I'm also quick to steal other people's babies to get my baby fix. I actually enjoy seeing other babies, hearing pregnancy news from friends and family, and going to baby showers. I oddly find them consoling.

So, if you have a little baby and ever need a babysitter, give me a holler. You would be doing me a favor. ;)

Thanks for reading.